i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
