I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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