I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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