My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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