Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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