I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he thought i was a dude.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
