I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
