ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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