I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
