I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
