you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
worst night to have a conscience
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
