He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My liver is preforming stress tests.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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