This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
