she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
