Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
