I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
