Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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