going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
