I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
