WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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