Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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