Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Vodka?
Forever.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
