the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
