Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
