we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
