Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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