Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
