Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i've created a new STD.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
