My liver just broke up with me...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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