winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
