Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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