Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
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She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
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I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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