why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
