In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
