If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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