I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
