Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
