its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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