you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
