i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
