Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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