I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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