He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
