Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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