This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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