How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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