i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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