we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I had to cum in my sink.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
