cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
