grandma shit on top of the toilet
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
