PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
