Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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