hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
