I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
