Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
