It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize