Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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