My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
