I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me