Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
Just general bites
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly