I accidentally had phone sex last night
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.