Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.

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  (512): I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd. http://tfl.nu/ry1b
  Replies (23) Good night (613) Bad night (1340)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  What are you doing tonight?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.

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  (904): What are you doing tonight? (847): Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life. http://tfl.nu/ilpj
  Replies (15) Good night (801) Bad night (4135)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.

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  (910): We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works. http://tfl.nu/uib3
  Replies (45) Good night (5799) Bad night (1265)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?

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  (281): what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish? http://tfl.nu/s2pv
  Replies (41) Good night (5333) Bad night (879)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...

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  (815): he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is... http://tfl.nu/ocys
  Replies (9) Good night (3231) Bad night (1299)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.

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  (512): He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay. http://tfl.nu/se3r
  Replies (25) Good night (1825) Bad night (3232)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation

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  (801): stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation http://tfl.nu/ct0r
  Replies (16) Good night (2607) Bad night (1314)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..

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  (330): he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder.. http://tfl.nu/5whr
  Replies (23) Good night (1073) Bad night (2123)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.

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  (207): Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills. http://tfl.nu/z8zj
  Replies (6) Good night (865) Bad night (708)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...

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  (515): Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis? (515): Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you... http://tfl.nu/0yf4
  Replies (4) Good night (748) Bad night (346)
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  (323): View more from California

  Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....

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  (323): Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner.... http://tfl.nu/erk9
  Replies (8) Good night (1658) Bad night (736)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways

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  (514): He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways http://tfl.nu/0cc7
  Replies (0) Good night (911) Bad night (224)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.

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  (202): i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw. http://tfl.nu/q0dy
  Replies (1) Good night (424) Bad night (297)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.

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  (360): Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that. http://tfl.nu/0kao
  Replies (0) Good night (735) Bad night (224)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance

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  (818): You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance http://tfl.nu/4g8g
  Replies (3) Good night (505) Bad night (268)

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