btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.