I got chris browned last night
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.