when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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