some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
