if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
