Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
