you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize