I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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