Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Randomize
