I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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