3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
