Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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