just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
