I accidentally burped into my bong.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
