Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
