I think I won the penis lottery.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
