every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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